


Paint It Black

by Widget



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:42:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Widget/pseuds/Widget
Summary: Death, pain, denial and grief....





	Paint It Black

**_I see a red door and I want it painted black_ **

**_No colours anymore, I want them to turn black_ **

**_I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_ **

**_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes_ **

 

There’s no more denial. Just bleak acceptance.  She’s gone.  The light in my life is gone. No more.  All colour has drained out of the world, leaving faded, washed out impressions.  Fleeting impressions, nothing registers for long.  I don’t want to remember, better to float along in faded greys, no bright, beautiful colours to hurt me any more.  I turn my eyes away and focus on the gray.

 

**_I see a line of cars and they're all painted black_ **

**_With flowers and my love, both never to come back_ **

**_I see people turn their heads and quickly look away_ **

**_Like a newborn baby, it just happens everyday_ **

 

The funeral was today.  I only remember fleeting images.  Dark cars.  Somber faces.  White flowers and dark green wreaths.  Red and white and blue.  Slow voices, sad eyes.  The scent of freshly turned earth.  Outside of this quiet acre, the rest of the world carries on as usual.

 

**_I look inside myself and see my heart is black_ **

**_I see my red door and must have it painted black_ **

**_Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts_ **

**_It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black_ **

 

Their concern hurts me, their care.  Makes my walls soften and start to crumble.  I push them away, turn away from soft eyes and kind words.  Turn to burning bourbon and smoky, dimly lit rooms.  Try to drown out the last sparking embers deep inside my heart that still flicker and burn and  _hurt_.  Drown the memories, the bright, shining eyes, the soft smile.  Drown the ache deep inside.

 

**_No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue_ **

**_I could not foresee this thing happening to you_ **

 

It shouldn’t have been you.  Why was it  _you_? Why?!

 

**_If I look hard enough into the setting sun_ **

**_My love will laugh with me before the morning comes_ **

 

Those last embers stubbornly refuse to die.  I sit shivering on the winter beach, watching the waves erase all evidence that any have passed over the sand.  Watch the red glow of the setting sun, remembering.

 

**_I see a red door and I want it painted black_ **

**_No colours anymore, I want them to turn black_ **

**_I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_ **

**_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes_ **

 

Step by step, I go on.  Sounds still muted, shades of grey.  Turning from light and warmth, dark inside.  There is no longer any light for me.

 

**_I wanna see it painted, painted black_ **

**_Black as night, black as coal_ **

**_I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky_ **

**_I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black_ **

**_Yeah_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Ciara's version of the Rolling Stones classic "Paint It Black" and this was the result. I am so sorry...


End file.
